Tag: inspiration

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I Am Nobody

Recently, I saw that a fellow alum from my alma mater has retired. In fact, upon reflection, He had pretty much retired when I myself was attending our college: Art Center College of Design. Drew Struzan is one of the more successful alums of Art Center; he’s famous for doing all the George Lucas posters; Star Wars, Indiana Jones, and many others. His style is very recognizable; a kind of candy palette with Leyendecker rim lighting. Regardless of when he retired, It made me realize that I graduated decades ago and my career has never really become what I had dream of in those halcyon days at college.

Not everyone can make it big, and that’s ok. Throughout my adult life, in addition to creating art, I have also pursued the mystic life. And a difficult concept for me in this endeavor has been the kind of humble anonymity that is required to dedicate yourself to a higher power. So I’m finally accepting that I may never be a household name, that talk show hosts won’t invite me on their shows so I can expound on my opinion of the latest news cycle.

Instead, I can accept that I’m not going to be a cultural Icon and actually enjoy the life I have. I won’t stop making art, or writing or sharing my journey with you, but I can let go of negative resentment and jealousy regarding my lot in life. I have a family, whom I love with all my heart, we have a roof over our heads, generally we have enough to eat, and I get to spend my life taking care of them and doing the things I love.

I still have a lot of ego to surrender in order to become closer to the Beloved, but this is the right track. I remember when I first realized I was never going to be Michelangelo or Rembrandt, it was a huge relief to realize that I was enough, that my skill, while not along the lines of a great master, was enough. This is obviously a similar lesson. Being humble isn’t denying who you are, it’s realizing that who you are is enough.

I also had a recent thought regarding my son’s upcoming birthday, and the recent birth of my friend’s 1st child. When I found out that my wife was pregnant, I was terrified. How would we be able to have a baby? How could we afford it? What if I wasn’t a good parent? Would I have to give up my personal life to be a parent? I’d had similar worries about getting married and moving away with my new wife. These are really life altering and frightening prospects (to help answer one of these questions, my daughter crawled up on my lap in the middle of the last sentence to demand my full attention) In each and every instance, these frightening, possibly disastrous decisions, turned out to be the best things that ever happened to me. They are the true blessings of my life. I had the same fear of getting sober. It was so terrifying to me that I couldn’t even think of it. Of course it led the way to all the other great things in my life and putting it off for so long goes a long way to explain why my life didn’t become the material success I had dream of.

So surrendering completely to the Beloved is frightening. It sounds like a certain kind of death. How do I know it isn’t? What will happen if the result isn’t what I think it will be? (It won’t be) But what have I got to lose? After all, I am nobody.

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Heal those around you with love

I am convinced we are here to spread love. We are surrounded by wounded people. Most people have no idea what life is about and wander around looking for happiness, but end up sowing pain. We are told money and things will make us happy, safe and secure. Only love can do these things.
We are not saints ourselves, so we must make due with what inspiration we can provide for each other. We all struggle with challenges and the pain of human experience. We all wish we could avoid the things that cause us pain, especially tragic loss, but it is these very experiences that show us who we really are. We may not always like what we see, but we can learn from even our worst moments.

I have a new baby, and although I love her, I am not getting enough sleep and am experiencing challenges like I never have before. My impulse is to not make that part of the journey I share with you because I want you to see me in the best light, but if my struggle helps anyone, it doesn’t matter if everyone else judges me harshly for my shortcommings.

For example, I don’tike getting g thrown up on. We have some awesome burp cloths that our wonderful friends made for us, but Adelia missed the one I had right under her and threw up on me. The sight of my baby throwing up (I have a 2 year old too, so it’s not new to me) combined with being covered with it, along with the kind of sleep deprivation that only comes from weeks of little to no sleep culminated in a string of expletives that would make a sailor want to shower. 

Immediately I felt bad. luckily, the baby was oblivious to me, what with being sick and all, and even while cursing, I still handle the baby with gentle care and cleaned her up and got both our shirts off and calmed down enough to get her calmed down. She really responds to being sung to well. Gabriel used to also, now he just shakes his head.

While these things are going on in my life, I am around others going through pain too; people I work with whom I care about, customers I don’t know, random strangers in traffic: we are all struggling with our own personal trials. 

Sometimes, I can see someone is in pain, but I am unable to do anything concrete. But I can give them moral support, encouragement, and spiritual energy. And almost without knowing it, the people around me send me healing vibes, too. This struggle combined with a symbiotic giving and receiving of spiritual energy is the key dynamic in out lives.

Again, I’m not pretending some of the horrific tragedies we face have value or meaning. I’m not one of those people who are like, “God gave that person cancer for a reason. There’s good to be found in the death of our loved ones” or things of that nature. Any good to come from any horrible situation has to be manufactured by the people going through it, and it’s cruel and wrong to say that people are better off for going through tragedy. What I’m saying is the everyday things that we have to deal with allow us to help each other deal with these things as well.

The more love we spend, the more love we have. If we share each other’s burdens, we won’t have to bare them alone.